Sweet Sweet Jesus! What I did today was about the kindness and most disgusting thing I think I have done. I went to the bathroom in Target because I had to....well somethings can be left to the imagination.
When I entered the bathroom and entered the stall I was frozen by what someone had left for me there....WHY WHY WHY don't people flush the toilet? Can anyone answer this question? I went out of the stall into another...three doors down (it was so horrific I didn't even want to sit next door).
When I finished my business I washed my hands and went to leave. I walk passed the horrific toilet bowl scene and started to leave....I stopped at door and said to myself "nobody lord should have to witness what I just witnessed". I turned around and entered the stall and stared it right in the face and flushed (with my boot)...it was so bad I had to flush twice (with my boot) and as God is my witness I threw up a little bit in my mouth!
I learned that sometimes for the good of others you can throw up in your mouth...nobody should have to see what I saw in that ceramic bowl...
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Day 14 The Thought That Counts
Okay so what to do today...I am trying to think outside the box. What would I want? I can think of a lot of things...some may be inappropriate to discuss right now...
How about making dinner for a neighbor? I whipped up a batch of noodles Alfredo and cheesy garlic bread....YUMMY!!
I called for the neighbor's daughter to pick up the meal..she came down and instead decided to spend the night....I thought she had taken the dinner back down when she went to pick up her stuff.....on the contrary...(do I get a double kind act for the sleepover?)
Late in the evening I found my pot of noodles and bread on the side counter..too late to deliver and the for food poisoning to great...
I learned to double check to see if teenagers remember to follow through...hey I don't blame her...I am pre-menopausal..I get memory loss. I also learned that it really isn't the thought that counts..it is actually the doing!
How about making dinner for a neighbor? I whipped up a batch of noodles Alfredo and cheesy garlic bread....YUMMY!!
I called for the neighbor's daughter to pick up the meal..she came down and instead decided to spend the night....I thought she had taken the dinner back down when she went to pick up her stuff.....on the contrary...(do I get a double kind act for the sleepover?)
Late in the evening I found my pot of noodles and bread on the side counter..too late to deliver and the for food poisoning to great...
I learned to double check to see if teenagers remember to follow through...hey I don't blame her...I am pre-menopausal..I get memory loss. I also learned that it really isn't the thought that counts..it is actually the doing!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Day 13 Being 13 Sucks
Being 13-years-old SUCKS! Do you know how I know this fact? I live with a 13-year-old. Maybe I should restate my first sentence...let me try again.
Being the mother of a 13-year-old girl sucks. Alright, alright....it isn't that bad. I love her to pieces and I am lucky to have such a loving daughter that is kind, sweet and gentle (to everyone else but me right now....I hear that changes as they grow up).
Today we were set to go to the movies as a family. One second away from leaving, my daughter says "I am not going". I say what all good parents say "oh yes you are"....we go back and forth. Finally I ask her why (probably should have started here) she doesn't want to go?
She tells me that her best friend, who is also our neighbor, has had a fight with her parents (WOW I get that) and needs to talk with her. Can you say DRAMA?
Just about when she told me about her friend.....the door bell rang....and her friend was on our front porch. Instead of telling her to go home, I invited her to go to the movies with us...all expenses paid. Look this might not seem kind to you but you try being with two hormonal teen girls for the afternoon...neither of them happy with their parents.
I scooped up both girls (with parental permission) and my boy and we headed to see The Princess and The Frog. I showered them all, especially the sad neighbor girl, with whoopers, skittles and popcorn. All was made right in the world of the teenage girls...for the moment until the next drama erupts......
I learned that even though something might be inconveinent, and slightly more costly, a small act such as taking someone to the movies can change the course of an evening, a mood, and a situation.
On a side note:
During the movie the princess said to the frog "you get back what you give". I wonder if it is true?
Being the mother of a 13-year-old girl sucks. Alright, alright....it isn't that bad. I love her to pieces and I am lucky to have such a loving daughter that is kind, sweet and gentle (to everyone else but me right now....I hear that changes as they grow up).
Today we were set to go to the movies as a family. One second away from leaving, my daughter says "I am not going". I say what all good parents say "oh yes you are"....we go back and forth. Finally I ask her why (probably should have started here) she doesn't want to go?
She tells me that her best friend, who is also our neighbor, has had a fight with her parents (WOW I get that) and needs to talk with her. Can you say DRAMA?
Just about when she told me about her friend.....the door bell rang....and her friend was on our front porch. Instead of telling her to go home, I invited her to go to the movies with us...all expenses paid. Look this might not seem kind to you but you try being with two hormonal teen girls for the afternoon...neither of them happy with their parents.
I scooped up both girls (with parental permission) and my boy and we headed to see The Princess and The Frog. I showered them all, especially the sad neighbor girl, with whoopers, skittles and popcorn. All was made right in the world of the teenage girls...for the moment until the next drama erupts......
I learned that even though something might be inconveinent, and slightly more costly, a small act such as taking someone to the movies can change the course of an evening, a mood, and a situation.
On a side note:
During the movie the princess said to the frog "you get back what you give". I wonder if it is true?
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Day 12 Garbage Garbage Everywhere, Where it Stops...Nobody Cares
When is the last time you stopped to look around at the amount of garbage you live around? I did that today and could not believe how much trash surrounds me. Today I grabbed a trash bag and my eight-year-old son and I embarked on a neighborhood trash collection adventure. I can say that I have never in my life intentionally gone out to collect street garbage unless it was on a "clean-up" day. Clearly we need more of those scheduled based on the amount of rubbish (love that word) my son and I collected from our streets today.
We embarked on this adventure and made it only fifty feet from our house when we discovered our trash bag was half full.
I walk up and down my neighborhood streets every single day and I have NEVER EVER noticed that much garbage. When I started looking for it....it was there.
Are there other things I haven't noticed? How many things do I choose to ignore or look past? How many things do I walk past, notice, but then say to myself "it's inconvenient to deal with this" "someone else will handle this".
I think there are many times in my life where I have decided to look past the garbage and not take the time to bend down and deal with the issue. Many times where I have seen it but ignored it. Many times I have wished it would blow away or someone else would pick it up (clearly I am not talking literally about garbage at this point).
Today was the day I forced myself to look down and observe my surroundings as I took each step. I really looked to see where I was going. I looked to see the road in front of me.
I learned I dont want to ignore the garbage anymore. I will deal with it as it lays on the road ahead of me. I figured out that along with ignoring the garbage I might also be ignoring or looking past other really special things. I am done with that now and my eyes are wide open to both the rubbish and the beauty on my path ahead.
On a side note:
My son has eagle eyes if you need to borrow him to help pick trash up in your neighborhood.
We embarked on this adventure and made it only fifty feet from our house when we discovered our trash bag was half full.
I walk up and down my neighborhood streets every single day and I have NEVER EVER noticed that much garbage. When I started looking for it....it was there.
Are there other things I haven't noticed? How many things do I choose to ignore or look past? How many things do I walk past, notice, but then say to myself "it's inconvenient to deal with this" "someone else will handle this".
I think there are many times in my life where I have decided to look past the garbage and not take the time to bend down and deal with the issue. Many times where I have seen it but ignored it. Many times I have wished it would blow away or someone else would pick it up (clearly I am not talking literally about garbage at this point).
Today was the day I forced myself to look down and observe my surroundings as I took each step. I really looked to see where I was going. I looked to see the road in front of me.
I learned I dont want to ignore the garbage anymore. I will deal with it as it lays on the road ahead of me. I figured out that along with ignoring the garbage I might also be ignoring or looking past other really special things. I am done with that now and my eyes are wide open to both the rubbish and the beauty on my path ahead.
On a side note:
My son has eagle eyes if you need to borrow him to help pick trash up in your neighborhood.
Day 11 Life or Death, The Perspective of a 10 year old..
Okay..come on...I know you might think this is a lame one but it made me feel really happy and isn't that what it is about... how I can be changed and look at things differently based on kind acts toward others?
I was at the rollerskating rink today. I love rollerskating! I have ever since I was in 7th grade and skated my first couples skate with a cute boy!
I was busy getting my groove on..enjoying the disco ball and loud Queen song playing in the background. When I went around for the 100th lap or so..I noticed a little boy about 10-years-old looking very distraught at the air hockey table. I skated up and he looked at me bewildered. He said "I paid for the air hockey game but my friend doesn't see me...will you save my game while I go get my friend"? I said "I will guard your game with my life". He skated away at lightening speed. As he and his friend returned I skated away; It was of utmost importance that I be able to catch the end of the disco ball and Queen song. He yelled after me... "Thank-You, Thank-You".
What I learned is not to underestimate what children find important and what worries them. Take a few minutes to listen to them and understand the importance of a possible lost 50cents and a lost opportunity for air hockey.
I was at the rollerskating rink today. I love rollerskating! I have ever since I was in 7th grade and skated my first couples skate with a cute boy!
I was busy getting my groove on..enjoying the disco ball and loud Queen song playing in the background. When I went around for the 100th lap or so..I noticed a little boy about 10-years-old looking very distraught at the air hockey table. I skated up and he looked at me bewildered. He said "I paid for the air hockey game but my friend doesn't see me...will you save my game while I go get my friend"? I said "I will guard your game with my life". He skated away at lightening speed. As he and his friend returned I skated away; It was of utmost importance that I be able to catch the end of the disco ball and Queen song. He yelled after me... "Thank-You, Thank-You".
What I learned is not to underestimate what children find important and what worries them. Take a few minutes to listen to them and understand the importance of a possible lost 50cents and a lost opportunity for air hockey.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Day 10: The Stinking Blind Dog
Merry Christmas!
Our neighbors have a stinky, blind dog....really cute....seriously! So today is Christmas and I am trapped in my house with my really stinky kids....no just kidding...we are having a fantastic day! Our neighbors with the dog are out of town on vacation in Costa Ric. My 13-year-old daughter is dog sitting. Usually she is good about doing such things but today she was feeling a bit resistant to her responsibilities....who could blame her...we all want to be eating and in our PJ's all day.
I decided to make sure the stinky blind dog who belongs to our neighbors was taken care of today. You know what I learned....I learned I am glad I don't have a dog and when I do get one I want to make sure it smells nice. What I actually learned is that it is important to be more neighborly and help one another out as well as give your daughter a break sometimes...we all deserve to be helped, loved and we all definately deserve to be given a break!
Our neighbors have a stinky, blind dog....really cute....seriously! So today is Christmas and I am trapped in my house with my really stinky kids....no just kidding...we are having a fantastic day! Our neighbors with the dog are out of town on vacation in Costa Ric. My 13-year-old daughter is dog sitting. Usually she is good about doing such things but today she was feeling a bit resistant to her responsibilities....who could blame her...we all want to be eating and in our PJ's all day.
I decided to make sure the stinky blind dog who belongs to our neighbors was taken care of today. You know what I learned....I learned I am glad I don't have a dog and when I do get one I want to make sure it smells nice. What I actually learned is that it is important to be more neighborly and help one another out as well as give your daughter a break sometimes...we all deserve to be helped, loved and we all definately deserve to be given a break!
Day 9 The Overlooked Volunteer
Do you know how many volunteers it takes to change a light bulb? No I am totally kidding....Do you know how many volunteers it takes to run everything I take for granted? Volunteerism is not dead it is just overlooked. I was reminded of this today when I visited the State Capital building in Olympia. I took the kids on a long walk through the capital to see the huge Christmas Tree in the State Building. As I entered I noticed two elderly ladies sitting at the desk. They were so kind and sweet and greeted us as we entered the building and asked if we needed anything. As I walked around....I started to think about how many times I have passed volunteers in this type of situation without saying a word to them. I am at fault for pretty much "ignoring" them. Today was going to be different. It is Christmas Eve and I am done taking volunteers for granted. On my way out of the Capital Building I went over to their station. As I approached their desk both ladies perked up waiting to answer my questions....instead of asking or taking...I said...."I want you to know how much I and everyone appreciates you spending your time here on Christmas Eve so we can all enjoy the beautiful tree and the Capital building". The ladies responded "Oh my goodness...it is our privilege". Such sweet ladies....I will try not to take volunteers for granted again...
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Day 8: Fly Away Birdies
Today I gave a big chunk of kindness. I have a dear friend in San Fran…Oakland actually…who invited me to stay at his place in April. Free lodging in San Fran…as if I would say no…
I happen to have 60,000 frequent flyer miles..so this starts to look like a free vacation for me! I was feeling very happy about my trip and then I realized I should pay it forward. If my friend is willing to host me for a three-day weekend at his home in California then I should be willing to share my air miles. I have a lovely friend who is and has gone through some tough times. She is an outstanding woman who has supported me through thick and thin (let me tell you I have been pretty thick but just lost 40lbs so I am on the thin side now).
Who better to invite along with me to my trip than my loving and supportive friend...so I told her I would get her ticket and she should come with me…guess what…headed to San Fran to see a BFF from High School with a BFF from college in April!
Hey Kris I hope it is okay that I am bringing along an additional guest...Oh Crap...didn't think that one through with this act of kindness...
What I learned is that I don’t need to be greedy… but to give freely, willingly and with love.
On a side note:
I am also making an effort to talk with people and really listen (mentioned that earlier). Today I learned that the young woman who took my order and gave me my beloved latte use to live in Pennsylvania...same as me...I also learned in the 3 minute exchanged that she isn’t looking forward to Christmas because it is too commercialized. Her mom’s family who is large and celebrate are back east and so Christmas is not the same…
She said it would be "me and my pops this year". She told me misses her mom and her mom's cooking. Something about this exchange made me both happy and sad…not sure why..
I happen to have 60,000 frequent flyer miles..so this starts to look like a free vacation for me! I was feeling very happy about my trip and then I realized I should pay it forward. If my friend is willing to host me for a three-day weekend at his home in California then I should be willing to share my air miles. I have a lovely friend who is and has gone through some tough times. She is an outstanding woman who has supported me through thick and thin (let me tell you I have been pretty thick but just lost 40lbs so I am on the thin side now).
Who better to invite along with me to my trip than my loving and supportive friend...so I told her I would get her ticket and she should come with me…guess what…headed to San Fran to see a BFF from High School with a BFF from college in April!
Hey Kris I hope it is okay that I am bringing along an additional guest...Oh Crap...didn't think that one through with this act of kindness...
What I learned is that I don’t need to be greedy… but to give freely, willingly and with love.
On a side note:
I am also making an effort to talk with people and really listen (mentioned that earlier). Today I learned that the young woman who took my order and gave me my beloved latte use to live in Pennsylvania...same as me...I also learned in the 3 minute exchanged that she isn’t looking forward to Christmas because it is too commercialized. Her mom’s family who is large and celebrate are back east and so Christmas is not the same…
She said it would be "me and my pops this year". She told me misses her mom and her mom's cooking. Something about this exchange made me both happy and sad…not sure why..
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Day Seven: Straight Talk Part Two: You need a Shrink
So I came up with the idea today that if I was going to offer help to the person who I gave the straight talk to then I should follow through...just is going to be short because I am irritated with my kindness today. I got text from the person that told me I needed a "Shrink"!
I probably did the wrong thing and texted back that I do need a shrink based on my desire to support and offer friendship to someone that wasn't interested. Look I am not perfect...my kind glasses fogged back up!
Maybe I do need a Shrink for trying to help, support and befriend someone who isn't ready or interested.
What I learned today was that not everyone is going to be receptive to kindness and what I might see as kind can be alienating to others and can make me look like a crazy psycho! So my straight talk to myself is:
Dear Mary
Move on and realize not everyone will change or want your help and you should consider making an appointment with a Shrink (LOL)
I probably did the wrong thing and texted back that I do need a shrink based on my desire to support and offer friendship to someone that wasn't interested. Look I am not perfect...my kind glasses fogged back up!
Maybe I do need a Shrink for trying to help, support and befriend someone who isn't ready or interested.
What I learned today was that not everyone is going to be receptive to kindness and what I might see as kind can be alienating to others and can make me look like a crazy psycho! So my straight talk to myself is:
Dear Mary
Move on and realize not everyone will change or want your help and you should consider making an appointment with a Shrink (LOL)
Day Six: Straight Talk or Silence
Okay I am going to jump off on a bit of a soap box right now. What is wrong with our society? Nobody wants to engage in straight talk or tell others the truth about self-destructive behaviors. So how did I come up with my latest act of kindness? I went running with a friend yesterday and we were talking about a mutual acquaintance. A person in their early 30’s who is attractive, fun, has a great personality, bright and great potential. He is also a raging drunk…an alcoholic, no question. She showed me a recent picture of him and he looked like he was a 50 year old alcoholic…you know the type. Bloated, wrinkled, blood shot..the near death look. It was really sad! We all have our problems I know. I am far from perfect and I have gone to the bottom and been in pain and despair in my life so I want to make it clear this is not me being judgmental. The discussion we had about our mutual acquaintance disturbed me. People have known for many years that this person has a serious problem with alcohol. I have only known him for six months but it became clear immediately. The disturbing thing is that nobody wants to be straight with him. His friends and family continue to drink with him. They talk behind his back one moment about him needing an intervention and the next moment they are meeting him slugging down booze with him. Are you kidding me?
To me this is a prime example of a societal problem. Someone is killing themselves in front of those who “love” him and they are not doing a damn thing about it! Yes I know…people have to change for themselves but when you are so emotionally damaged, in pain and biologically addicted to alcohol it is not easy. So why aren’t people sitting him down and saying to him “I love you and you are sick. We know that you need help and we are going to support and help you. We won’t continue to booze it up with you or give you alcohol”? So from this came my kind act of the day.
I am committed from this day forward to practice straight talk and support. I will be damned if I sit by and let anyone within my eyesight self-destruct without doing something about it. Look I can’t save the world but I can tell someone that I understand they are in pain, that I see they are self-destructing. I can and will tell them that it will be difficult but it is possible.
I did just what I stated….I told someone that I recognized they are self- destructing and there is help for them. I told them I recognized they were losing control and it was becoming harder to manage and set limits (that is what happens when you are an alcoholic). I told them they could count on me if they needed help.
We all know the ending to this story…something bad will happen and everyone will cry and say they knew it would happen….shame on you and all of us for not being honest with people, for not giving your friend, brother, son and boyfriend the straight talk he needed. From this I expect straight talk from others if I am on a path of self-destruction.
To me this is a prime example of a societal problem. Someone is killing themselves in front of those who “love” him and they are not doing a damn thing about it! Yes I know…people have to change for themselves but when you are so emotionally damaged, in pain and biologically addicted to alcohol it is not easy. So why aren’t people sitting him down and saying to him “I love you and you are sick. We know that you need help and we are going to support and help you. We won’t continue to booze it up with you or give you alcohol”? So from this came my kind act of the day.
I am committed from this day forward to practice straight talk and support. I will be damned if I sit by and let anyone within my eyesight self-destruct without doing something about it. Look I can’t save the world but I can tell someone that I understand they are in pain, that I see they are self-destructing. I can and will tell them that it will be difficult but it is possible.
I did just what I stated….I told someone that I recognized they are self- destructing and there is help for them. I told them I recognized they were losing control and it was becoming harder to manage and set limits (that is what happens when you are an alcoholic). I told them they could count on me if they needed help.
We all know the ending to this story…something bad will happen and everyone will cry and say they knew it would happen….shame on you and all of us for not being honest with people, for not giving your friend, brother, son and boyfriend the straight talk he needed. From this I expect straight talk from others if I am on a path of self-destruction.
Day Five: To Sell The Tickets or To Give Them Away
Today was not that exciting in the kindness arena but may have been more impactful for me than the previous days. I simply shared what I was doing with someone that I know and based on that sharing of information the person did something kind for someone else…the domino effect. An acquaintance I know has season tickets to the Seahawks and usually sells any of his unused seats. Because I told him I was trying to change myself by being kind to others he decided to donate the extra tickets to a needy family. What I learned is that it may be possible that kindness is contagious??
Day Four: To Speak or Not To Speak…That is the Question
Sweet Jesus…day four and this kindness thing is harder than I thought! So what I was thinking about today is how I observe people around me too busy to talk to one another. I made it my mission today to talk with people. Everywhere I went today. When the opportunity arose I spoke with people beyond the “hi and how are you exchange”. You know what I discovered…people talked back. I learned a lot about several people in just a few moments. I learned that the young woman who was running the demonstration table at Trader Joes was looking forward to seeing her family from out of town for the holidays. I learned that the coffee attendant at Forza was a Residential Aide at his college and he still thought of Christmas like a little kid…excited to run down in the morning and see all the gifts under the tree. I also learned he was interested in child psychology and would be graduating soon. Most importantly I learned that when you take a few moments to look someone in the eye and show genuine interest in their lives that the atmosphere changes. They seemed happier and brighter and I certainly felt more joy than usually running around doing my “errands” being trapped in my own thoughts.
Day Three: Babysitting or Poking a Needle in My Eye?
So seriously, I hate babysitting! I would rather stick a burning hot needle in my eye than babysit anyone’s kids…especially the little ones. If they are maintenance free then I am more than willing to watch them. If I have to mediate, entertain or change diapers…FOGET IT! This act of kindness was a real stretch for me. I have a lovely neighbor who has two children (not the same neighbor with the military husband). Her husband works massive amounts of hours and they are barely hanging on financially. She never gets time away from her children. I took a walk with her and asked her if I could keep the children for her for the afternoon so she could have some free time. She was surprised and a bit shocked. I was surprised and a bit shocked that I offered!
Why are people so shocked when others reach out and do something nice for them? Clearly, we do not do this type of thing enough or it would not shock people…or WAIT…I hope they aren’t shocked because I am doing something nice for them….uh oh..
Anyway, the children came over; a three-year-old and a nine-year-old. To my complete surprise, I totally enjoyed the experience. The three-year-old girl had me laughing and talking most of the afternoon. She was the cutest and funniest little girl. We baked cookies laughed and had a wonderful time. I forgot how much fun it was to hang out with little kids. When my neighbor returned to pick up the kids she had bought me a small gift…not necessary. What I learned was small gestures go a long way with others and I was surprised that my preconceived ideas of hating doing something (babysitting) no longer were valid..maybe trying previously offensive things should be in order?
ON A SIDE NOTE
I went to a party for the holidays and yes I looked HOT! So HOT that a married man grabbed my ass! Do you think it was an act of kindness to tell his wife that the loser grabbed my backside…well I debated and decided…yes it was….not sure how that will turn out…refer to bestselling book.
Why are people so shocked when others reach out and do something nice for them? Clearly, we do not do this type of thing enough or it would not shock people…or WAIT…I hope they aren’t shocked because I am doing something nice for them….uh oh..
Anyway, the children came over; a three-year-old and a nine-year-old. To my complete surprise, I totally enjoyed the experience. The three-year-old girl had me laughing and talking most of the afternoon. She was the cutest and funniest little girl. We baked cookies laughed and had a wonderful time. I forgot how much fun it was to hang out with little kids. When my neighbor returned to pick up the kids she had bought me a small gift…not necessary. What I learned was small gestures go a long way with others and I was surprised that my preconceived ideas of hating doing something (babysitting) no longer were valid..maybe trying previously offensive things should be in order?
ON A SIDE NOTE
I went to a party for the holidays and yes I looked HOT! So HOT that a married man grabbed my ass! Do you think it was an act of kindness to tell his wife that the loser grabbed my backside…well I debated and decided…yes it was….not sure how that will turn out…refer to bestselling book.
Day Two: Sacrifice at the Starbucks Alter
I actually exceeded my intentional kind deeds today by one. I know I was shocked. Two things in one day…WOW!
DEED ONE
Anyone who knows me knows that it is quite possible I would sell my soul or do just about anything for a Venti, non-fat, no foam latte in the morning. Especially on those mornings when I have to work or be on the road. Today was one of those mornings. I went through the starbucks drive through and instead of getting my usual I gave the person at the counter a fifteen-dollar-gift card and asked her to apply it to all the people that came behind me. There was nobody behind but I left the card and my faith in the window attendant. I wondered how people would react when they pulled up and their bill was paid. Would they be surprised? Would they think of it all day? Would they do something nice for someone else because I had done something nice for them? I will never know. What I do know is that it feels good for me to think about and reflect on those questions. It feels good to wonder how my actions may cause a ripple effect of kindness. Most of all it feels good putting my needs, my beloved Venti Latte, aside for someone else. Guess what I learned….I didn’t die from not having my latte…I will live to see another day. Deprived of caffeine but alive!
DEED TWO
I have a really good friend I have known for over twenty-years. We went to high school together and then on to college and roomed together. We were roommates for a second until we figured out we were going to kill one another…different story..
My friend took a little bit of a different route than I did.. She met and married her husband when she was fairly young, 19 or 20 years old. The day of her wedding, in which I was the maid of honor, I told her it wasn’t too late to change her mind run away with me to Canada. It was New Years Eve and my girlfriends and I were headed to Canada to see mail strippers and drink the night away…what better place to be at 19 years old on New Years Eve?
I believe the statement that I made to her about changing her mind has stuck with her over the last twenty-years. I know this is true because she has brought it up often. She believed I thought she was making a big mistake. In reflecting back, I am sure she was right and I was being judgmental, like a lot of 19-year-olds.
We have kept in contact over the years. She has four wonderful children. She has faced adversity, self sacrifice and stress over the years. Her spirit, soul and support has never been broken. She has stayed focused on being a wonderful, loving woman and mother. I have never told her I believed this of her… never one time in my life that I can remember I said those words to her….long past time. Today I texted her and told her “I have always respected and admired you as a woman and mother and I am blessed to know you. I love you”. I cried when I sent her the text because I felt ashamed I had never said those words to her before. I fear she may have thought I was disapproving of her choices all of these years. I haven’t been. I have just been wrapped up in my own life and never took the time to tell her that it doesn’t matter about approval or disapproval. What matters is that she is a special and wonderful person who I am proud of respect and love.
What I learned today is to forget about my own needs for a second and to people how I feel about them more often.
DEED ONE
Anyone who knows me knows that it is quite possible I would sell my soul or do just about anything for a Venti, non-fat, no foam latte in the morning. Especially on those mornings when I have to work or be on the road. Today was one of those mornings. I went through the starbucks drive through and instead of getting my usual I gave the person at the counter a fifteen-dollar-gift card and asked her to apply it to all the people that came behind me. There was nobody behind but I left the card and my faith in the window attendant. I wondered how people would react when they pulled up and their bill was paid. Would they be surprised? Would they think of it all day? Would they do something nice for someone else because I had done something nice for them? I will never know. What I do know is that it feels good for me to think about and reflect on those questions. It feels good to wonder how my actions may cause a ripple effect of kindness. Most of all it feels good putting my needs, my beloved Venti Latte, aside for someone else. Guess what I learned….I didn’t die from not having my latte…I will live to see another day. Deprived of caffeine but alive!
DEED TWO
I have a really good friend I have known for over twenty-years. We went to high school together and then on to college and roomed together. We were roommates for a second until we figured out we were going to kill one another…different story..
My friend took a little bit of a different route than I did.. She met and married her husband when she was fairly young, 19 or 20 years old. The day of her wedding, in which I was the maid of honor, I told her it wasn’t too late to change her mind run away with me to Canada. It was New Years Eve and my girlfriends and I were headed to Canada to see mail strippers and drink the night away…what better place to be at 19 years old on New Years Eve?
I believe the statement that I made to her about changing her mind has stuck with her over the last twenty-years. I know this is true because she has brought it up often. She believed I thought she was making a big mistake. In reflecting back, I am sure she was right and I was being judgmental, like a lot of 19-year-olds.
We have kept in contact over the years. She has four wonderful children. She has faced adversity, self sacrifice and stress over the years. Her spirit, soul and support has never been broken. She has stayed focused on being a wonderful, loving woman and mother. I have never told her I believed this of her… never one time in my life that I can remember I said those words to her….long past time. Today I texted her and told her “I have always respected and admired you as a woman and mother and I am blessed to know you. I love you”. I cried when I sent her the text because I felt ashamed I had never said those words to her before. I fear she may have thought I was disapproving of her choices all of these years. I haven’t been. I have just been wrapped up in my own life and never took the time to tell her that it doesn’t matter about approval or disapproval. What matters is that she is a special and wonderful person who I am proud of respect and love.
What I learned today is to forget about my own needs for a second and to people how I feel about them more often.
Day One: The Family of a Soldier
Have you ever really considered all the sacrifices that our military and their families make on a daily basis? I really don’t or didn’t until I moved into a military community. Even living in the environment I live I am pretty oblivious to the constant struggle families of deployed servicemen and women go through. Can you imagine the constant fear and agony of not knowing if your partner, son, daughter, sister or brother will live or die? I feel privileged that I am surrounded by people who are willing to make those sacrifices for me.
My neighbor has two beautiful daughters. Her husband is in Afghanistan fighting for freedom and is on his third deployment. Shortly before he left for the latest deployment his wife gave birth to their second child. He has been gone for months and has missed many of his children’s milestones. He will be gone for at least a year with maybe one or two short leaves.
I went Costco today and bought a poinsettia….not a big deal at for me to do this…a $13 dollar purchase.
When I got home I went next door and I rang my neighbor’s door bell. She opened the door and looked a little confused with me standing on her porch with a big red plant in hand. When she opened the door I said to her “I wanted you to know that there are people out there that recognize the sacrifices that you and your husband are making to keep this country safe. It can’t be easy raising kids alone with no support. I appreciate you and many others appreciate you. I wanted you to know that”. She started to cry and so did I. We both wept and held each other.
The first person she spoke of after our embrace was her husband. She said that it was getting easier because the weather was changing in Afghanistan and that hopefully the “activity” was less. In other words, less violence means less chance of her husband losing his life to war. She thought of her husband and his service over her difficult situation of being a single mom and home alone.
We hugged again and I left still crying. I came home and cried some more and realized that $13 dollars and ten minutes can go a long way.
My neighbor has two beautiful daughters. Her husband is in Afghanistan fighting for freedom and is on his third deployment. Shortly before he left for the latest deployment his wife gave birth to their second child. He has been gone for months and has missed many of his children’s milestones. He will be gone for at least a year with maybe one or two short leaves.
I went Costco today and bought a poinsettia….not a big deal at for me to do this…a $13 dollar purchase.
When I got home I went next door and I rang my neighbor’s door bell. She opened the door and looked a little confused with me standing on her porch with a big red plant in hand. When she opened the door I said to her “I wanted you to know that there are people out there that recognize the sacrifices that you and your husband are making to keep this country safe. It can’t be easy raising kids alone with no support. I appreciate you and many others appreciate you. I wanted you to know that”. She started to cry and so did I. We both wept and held each other.
The first person she spoke of after our embrace was her husband. She said that it was getting easier because the weather was changing in Afghanistan and that hopefully the “activity” was less. In other words, less violence means less chance of her husband losing his life to war. She thought of her husband and his service over her difficult situation of being a single mom and home alone.
We hugged again and I left still crying. I came home and cried some more and realized that $13 dollars and ten minutes can go a long way.
Wiping the Fog from My Glasses and Thinking of Someone Else
So I have been thinking lately about who I am and who I want to be when I grow up…a bit crazy for a 40-year old. I have also been thinking about society and what I think is wrong with it. Too many observations for this blog…watch for my best-selling book to come out to hear the whole story
I did come to some conclusions I want to share. I came to the conclusion that we, me included, are too self-centered, self-absorbed, self-blaming, self-deprecating, self-defeating, and self-abusive. Key word here is SELF….really how disgusting. Can anyone relate to this or the better question…can anyone admit to this? Why do we (me included) fall into the trap of only helping others in the wake of tragedies, during the holidays or on “Sundays”? Once that helping moment has passed we go back to the “Self” behaviors. Many of us have great intentions but our everyday lives take over. It is difficult to look beyond “Self” with the demands life places on us.
What would it be like if we treated one another the way we do in the wake of a tragedy, during the holidays or “Sundays”….everyday of the week? Would the world would be a better place? Would I be a better person? Would you be a better person?
It is time to find out. It is time to stop talking and start doing. Time to turn off the TV, get off Face book, leave the bar, hang up the phone and dig deep into your soul and give of yourself to others out of unconditional positive regard for people. This is not for gratitude back but for soul saving purposes (no not in the God way…that is a whole different discussion, refer to the best-selling book).
Every day for the next 365 days I am going to look outside of myself and do something nice and kind for someone else. I am convinced this will be a transformative experience for me and will change my life…let’s see
I did come to some conclusions I want to share. I came to the conclusion that we, me included, are too self-centered, self-absorbed, self-blaming, self-deprecating, self-defeating, and self-abusive. Key word here is SELF….really how disgusting. Can anyone relate to this or the better question…can anyone admit to this? Why do we (me included) fall into the trap of only helping others in the wake of tragedies, during the holidays or on “Sundays”? Once that helping moment has passed we go back to the “Self” behaviors. Many of us have great intentions but our everyday lives take over. It is difficult to look beyond “Self” with the demands life places on us.
What would it be like if we treated one another the way we do in the wake of a tragedy, during the holidays or “Sundays”….everyday of the week? Would the world would be a better place? Would I be a better person? Would you be a better person?
It is time to find out. It is time to stop talking and start doing. Time to turn off the TV, get off Face book, leave the bar, hang up the phone and dig deep into your soul and give of yourself to others out of unconditional positive regard for people. This is not for gratitude back but for soul saving purposes (no not in the God way…that is a whole different discussion, refer to the best-selling book).
Every day for the next 365 days I am going to look outside of myself and do something nice and kind for someone else. I am convinced this will be a transformative experience for me and will change my life…let’s see
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